As much as i don’t want to admit this i think I’m fooling myself. I’d never ever say i hate someone I “love” and never have. Even when people i care for are at their worst and even if i am getting abuse as a result of it… i don’t talk bad about them. To anyone. And maybe I’m the one in the wrong here. Because sorry if this is self centered but i think i deserve a lot of credit here. I didn’t give up and i didn’t get angry and i didn’t trash you or us. And i can’t figure out if i made excuses for you or not. All i know is everything is supposed to be fine now and i said I’d be here but i think I’ve got other things to do, just like you. I need friends i actually like and i needed to let you go when you were so awful to me. I woke up this morning with a broken heart because my dreams put it into perspective. I tried to clear my head and find that love but you simply don’t have it. Fuck, every time.
About to start a shift at a store an hour away, have to work here for a week to get some certifications so i can be a manager at my new job. I finally left my old position after complaining about it for two years. I’m nervous about sucking, I’ve only worked here for a couple weeks and don’t know everything necessary but my boss needs a manager badly.
Nervous!
Why do you think destroying everything will get your point across?
Seriously, i don’t think i want to try anymore. I just want to hang out with my son for the next sixteen weeks and enjoy his short time left as an only child. Then i want like, a weeklong nap before having this baby. I kinda just want to be left alone other than my children… Grown ups make everything difficult and nobody is truly looking out for me and mine.
Tak shouldn’t have to save my sanity every time this happens, because it shouldn’t keep happening. But he does and I’m grateful and I couldn’t survive without my best friend.
And tak, you are right. I know you are.
Write something that inspires my fingers to move with a pen again.
I feel like a stranger in a world where I cannot write.
SINCERELY,
a very considerably un-southern lady.
Ps: your hoodie disappeared. It isn’t lost, but it vanished. I imagine it’ll show up in the same place it always was as soon as I fill that marble notebook.
It’s in the dark that your touch lights my skin on fire,
And your uneven breathing reminds me that
I can still feel.
I love you.
